Surprise
Handling life's challenges, seeing it's joy, understanding needs
By Lonnie Adamson
Lovey and I had not seen Scott and Olivia, parents of our grandchildren -- Haley, Anna Kate and Jackson -- in more than a week.
We typically keep those younger two grands, Anna Kate and Jackson, plus Noah and Brooke’s Channing every Monday night. That sleep-over had not happened in more than a week, also, so the house was in an unusual state of calm.
If you haven’t experienced it, when three children ages 6, 5 and 4 come to the grandparents house to see cousins, excitement, turmoil, chaos ensue.
It makes me a bit edgy. Lovey tells me to embrace the chaos.
The children were – somewhere – we could hear screams and laughter, so they were safe. The adults were preparing for appetizers before pizza.
“Olivia, I baked Brie for you,” Lovey said.
It’s one of Lovey’s signature dishes. – baked, soft, gooey brie with tomato jam and a variety of crackers. It’s one of Olivia’s favorites.
I looked up and Olivia’s face had fallen.
“You’re pregnant,” Lovey said.
The direct line of logic of my wife’s statement was not immediately clear to my male brain, but I have come to understand that these two women seem to share a hardwired mental connection – at least on certain subjects like birthing babies.
“Yes,” Olivia said, somewhat nervously. Scott -- who would probably be happy to raise an entire softball team -- was smiling in the background.
“What happened?” Lovey asked directly. Lovey always asks directly.
The answer involves a birth control failure. We’ll leave it at that. These things happen. It’s not the first time a family faced such a surprise.
Scott, a talented children wrangler, enjoys creating activities for his tribe and his nieces. The more, the merrier, it seems. That is a trait inspired by his father probably. His father took Scott and Scott’s sister out of school for a year and traveled the country in a camper, visiting national parks. That trip paid dividends.
Anyway, Scott loves children and plays an active part in their rearing.
Olivia trained as an educator, is knowledgeable about what drives and motivates children. She is skilled at re-direction. Her re-direction works equally well on 4-year old daughters and 67-year-old stepfathers. That training, continued study, and experience turned her into a skilled mother.
But work, pursuit of a master’s degree, and rearing three children, even with the support of an engaged spouse, seemed daunting to me. It seemed daunting to Lovey, who had raised her three as a single mom for a time.
It is a harsh thought, but, honestly, I doubted the practicality of continuing with a fourth child. Olivia and Scott had determined to get out of the baby-making business. The surgical procedure to ensure that decision was scheduled.
The physical strain, the mental strain, the mental exhaustion, the financial pressure, the need for more space under their roof was daunting. Maybe they should end the pregnancy -- focus energy and resources on the three children they have, I thought.
Olivia’s face wore concern and uncertainty about how to make it happen.
It also showed determination to continue.
And we are all -- as a family glad she did, glad they did.
These writings in the past weeks have described the unique traits of our grandchildren. The uniquenesses seem to be miracles.·
· Haley’s broad understanding of family dynamics and navigation between her mother and father
· Anna Kate’s determination, leadership drive, intelligence
· Jackson’s quiet observation and exquisite sense of humor, love for his sisters and mechanical things
Now we have Sophia’s watchfulness, opinions, sense of humor and the most dynamic smile of genuine joy.
I can’t imagine the world without her. The world is a better place and will continue to be a better place because of her, because of all of them.
None of this should be interpreted as lacking in support for a woman’s right to decide for herself what is right for her own body. There is a world of women who find themselves in positions where they need to end a pregnancy – for their health, for the health and security of their other children, because they were physically forced or intimidated into pregnancy, because it is not the right time, because of other reasons of their choosing.
The choice needs to be their choice, for their reasons between them and God. It is not a decision for old white guys like me who don’t know the intensely specific, personally demanding reasons behind deciding on a venture for a lifetime.
Olivia made her choice, and I am glad she did, but let’s be real and truthful about the world we live in. Let’s seek to offer mercy and not demand sacrifice.